Recently I read a blog of a friend. She's pregnant with her second child now. Reading her blog really reminded me of my days when I was pregnant with Phoebe and Reuben.
Pregnancy with Phoebe seems easier (though I nearly lost her on a few occasions - I shall share on another occasion) because I can sleep and rest whenever I want to, Phoebe was a good baby and I often had good night sleep. The only complains I had was the bad skin condition which flared up during my pregnancy. I was constantly perspiring, hence my eczema worsen, especially on my tummy and bra line area. I was constantly peeing and leaking, few drops at a time. My back was killing me, my pelvic bone was in constant pain. My digestion was not very good too, though my appetite was not affected. Hence I frequently had to drink isotonic drinks to induce the gas in my tummy. I also developed an acute sense of smell. The wet market and even the supermarket were places that I tried to avoid. Garlic was pungent and so were all air fresheners. In fact, I was very afraid to go into the staff room or school toilets because I thought they smelt like dead rats!
When I was pregnant with Reuben, the symptons were the same. Garlic, dead rats, air freshners, isostonic drinks, supermarkets, Ezcema were nothing new and I was able to deal with them with more experience. Reuben was also not a difficult baby. He rest firmly in my womb, growly well each day.
When I was pregnant with Reuben, Phoebe was about 18 months old, a crucial age for learning, development and exploration. I tried to spend as much time with her even though there were times when I was really tired after a long day teaching in school. She was just starting her Pre-nursery in Little Learners when I was newly pregnant. Though ladened (heavy or light), every morning, I would shower her, dressed her and then put her in her stroller and walked a hefty 15 minutes from my place to her school. The weather was very unbearable, humid and scorching. I was sweating and panting but yet, I went on, day after day. Then I would go to my mom's place which was 5 minutes from Phoebe's school and sprawled on her sofa, trying to look compose and calm so that my parents would not worry for me, though inside me, half my energy had been zapped. Then I would fetch Phoebe, make sure that she was fine in my mom's place, before walking to my school to carry on with my work.
After work, though tired, I would still try my best to entertain Phoebe. I can still remember me and my hubby, sitting on the floor in Phoebe's playroom. I was looking like a huge lump of sh**, trying to play with her as best as I can. My hubby played a big role in teaching Phoebe many things during those period. He taught her colours, animals and even the alphabet. I was/am grateful for that. Sometimes, I was very tired and would lie on her playroom floor and Phoebe, innocent as she was, would lie down on the floor with me, thinking that I was playing a game with her :) Before she slept at night, I would have to clean her, dress her and read to her, with my eyelids all so heavy. I did not have a maid then, so everything had to be done by myself and with the help of my hubby. We only engaged in a maid in my last trimester of pregnancy and even then, the new maid (first maid) did not like to take care of Phoebe. She did not have a big heart for children. We had to handle Phoebe solely by ourselves.
It was not easy to deal with Phoebe, especially when she was in the supposedly "Terrible Two" year. Though we tried to think positively as the "Terrific Two" year, emotionally, she could get difficult. She had to be disciplined. She could get wild. But by the grace of God, she turned out pretty well, not the best behaved but at least, she's kind and loving. Sometimes I know that I had short-changed her, using the TV nanny to babysit her. Even now, TV nanny had been engaged everyday, all so often. I feel guilty all the time but yet I always comfort myself, saying that they do learn from watching TV.
Now, I'm no longer afraid of my staffroom, super/wet markets or even garlic. But the eczema in my body is still there, though slightly less reddish. I'll probably have to live with it for the rest of my life, just like motherhood, I'm in it for the rest of my life.
Except that, for motherhood, I'm enjoying it everyday. I love my children. I can never get enough of kissing them, hugging them and holding them. I love them so much that even if I have to lay my life down for them, I would. Motherhood makes me understand the love of Jesus for us more clearly, that He laid his life for us though we're sinners and ungrateful.
Thank God for motherhood and Thank God for His blessings.
