Sibling Rivalry

Yes, Phoebe and Reuben do fight and have their squabbles. It's normal because they will learn in the the process of quarrelling. They will learn to share or live with each other's differences. Sometimes Reuben gives in, sometimes Phoebe. Sometimes no one wants to give in, so we take away whatever that is causing the unhappiness. If not, we'll use the distraction method. Sometimes, we'll use the scolding method too, but after that, we'll try to explain to them. Reuben may not understand fully, but Phoebe does. Sometimes, Reuben shows that he cares for his sister. When Phoebe was really very upset, he will call her nicely, "Jie-jie. jie-jie?" and then offer the item (be it a ball or a toy) as an apology. If Phoebe gives in to Reuben (and let him have the item cordially), I will reward her with something, maybe a praise, a kiss, a hug, a sweet or some time to play the Ipod Touch. Sometimes after giving in to her brother, Phoebe will tell me automatically, "Mommy, just now I let di-di have the ... I didn't snatch from him." I will praise her to show my approval.

These days, when Phoebe gets upset, she'll say, "It's not fair!" and I'll tell her, "You're right. It's really not fair. Some people in other parts of the world have nothing to eat and they're fighting for food and here you're, so well-fed and adorned and you're fighting over something to play. This is really not fair to the poor people." Then that will trigger her to think and her attention is being diverted a little and she'll ask me questions about the people living in other parts of the world.

I remember just last week, this Not-Fairness issue came up again and Phoebe said, "Mommy, if other countries are poor, Singapore can help them." And then I responded, "Yes, Singapore does give help to countries that need help. But in Singapore herself, there are poor people too."
"Then other countries can help Singapore." "Yes, but we ourselves can help the poor too. We don't have to wait for other countries to help us. We should help our own people first."
I hope that the discussion will help her to not to be so narrow-minded.

Sometimes sibling squabbles are not that bad. Though we strongly discourage it, we do not stop them from happening. What is more important is that, the children must learn something out of the squabbles and their matters must always be resolved harmoniously. Sometimes, Phoebe will complain that Reuben did not say sorry when he was in the wrong. I would explain that Reuben did not really know how to say sorry yet and I would tell him to apologise when he knows how to do it the next time. When Phoebe knew that I understood her dismay, she felt better and accepted the fact that her brother was still young. I will also use simple language to educate Reuben, in the presence of Phoebe, of his wrong doing. By doing this, it will help to educate Reuben and also appease Phoebe. Parents must play a part in explaining and mediating. That's a very important process to help them to learn and grow.

I'm still learning, and my children are helping me to learn day by day :)

Do not be alarmed when you see this clip. They played peacefully after this was recorded :)


Phoebe played with the princess boat and Reuben played with his favourite elephant.